Family is my LIFE and Makeup is my passion!: February 2010

Here it goes... everything was well with my 2nd pregnancy, I was enjoying the pregnancy stages and went for regular checkups, everything was fine, bub's healthy and I'm healthy. When I was in labor, I had an emergency episiotomy and my beautiful Ronan came into the world. Within the next couple of days, I suddenly had excrutiating pain and blood clots. Went to the hospital and was suspected that my uterus was infected due to the episiotomy. Sigh... had anti-biotics for treatment. Thought problem solved but later realised that there was a lump on my abdomen. Initially the doc thought it could be my uterus but after much checking, my uterus has already fully gone down, that might be something else. Well, was referred to get an ultra-sound scan, did that, results came back as possible "Hematoma" which is bruises/clot in my abdomen wall muscle and that could have happened due to my strenuous pushing during labor. I was told it should be fine and the lump should gradually subside.

However that didn't happen! After 4mths later, lump is still there and size feel the same so once again, I went back for another ultra-sound scan and a Biopsy to determine the cause. I've just gone back to my GP last Fri to get the results and guess what.... I was told that it's not just Hematoma, it may be a soft-tissue tumor! How do you think I would react? Of course I was in real shock! Why didn't they do a biospy in the 1st place when I had the lump? I was frustrated and at same time upset about it cos in my heart I was thinking.... Y ME? I've been healthy and been several health checks and nothing wrong but why now? I was told that there's nothing I could do but to go for excision. Therefore my GP referred me to a well-known surgeon.

I just went to see the surgeon on Mon. He felt the lump and believed that it's "DESMOID TUMOR". This type of tumor is rare and usually happen only after pregnancy. :( I'm just the unlucky one to have it. Because the growth is in my abdomen wall tissue and it can grow rapidly, massively and deadly, he had to do an agressive operation which is to remove most of my muscle and then replace with a mesh. Damn... medical term is too deep for me, a commoner, to understand. Thank god my hubby was there and he understood every single word the surgeon advise. So there it started... I have to go through 2 operations. First op will be biospy of the tissue which happened yesterday. It was a day surgery and I was discharged in the evening. The stitches vertically down (about 5cm long) just in the middle, right side of my abdomen. The pain was still endurable cos I've been taking painkillers. Now... all I need to do is to wait for the actual results and the next operation will be on next Wed. That will be the major one and if it's confirmed Desmoid Tumor, then he'll have to cut me up more... probably below my breasts all the way down to near pelvis. OUCH OUCH OUCH... That's too emotional for me! The problem is I scarred easily, even a mosquitoe bite could scar me , let alone this LONG scar which I'm gonna have on my belly and gonna be a PERMANENT one! How can I accept that... I can't but I have no choice. In order to survive, I have no other choice but to go through this op!
I've cried and cried but my tears have dried and all I wish is this problem to end so I can move on. I will then later have to learn to deal with the scar... at most, no more bikinis, no more exposing of my belly...etc...

Oh well, I just need to let it all out. It's just hard to keep it inside me, at least I felt better after expressing on my blog. Thankfully I have a supportive hubby and wonderful in-laws here for me. (As I'm all alone here in Perth and family back in spore)